From afar she looked like you wouldn’t want to tangle up with her in some dark alley. To be frank, she looked like the type you wouldn’t want to bring home to Mother. Up close she looked even worse, but on one of my early evening walks, I decided to slow down my pace and smile at her.
“What,” she growled, “you can’t say hi?”
To be more frank, she scared the hell out of me. “No,” I demurely countered, “But I’m lady enough to say hello.” I wasn’t going to let her bully me!
She’s a hefty thing and looked slow moving, but she managed to cut me off in three giant steps. “I don’t want to say anything,” she began, “but you’ve been walkin’ by my place for years now and it looks like you haven’t lost an ounce. If anything, you look bigger and broader.”
“I know,” I sighed, “it just doesn’t make sense.”
“I’ll tell you what doesn’t make sense,” she snapped. “I’ve lost 60 pounds, gained back 45, but who cares? Got only my stagnant job, T.V. and food to live for. I’m an emotional eater, and there’s just nobody to try and look pretty for — anymore.”
Darn if she didn’t read my thoughts. “I know what you thinking,” she said. “ It would take a hell of a lot more then just losin’ weight for me to attract some guy. I don’t smile, never have and that scares people away.”
“It does sort of make me want to rethink my evening route,” I confessed. “Why don’t you smile? And what do you mean by — anymore?”
“Never developed those facial muscles. I’m so sick of hearing that it takes more effort to frown than it does to grin — not for me it doesn’t. Did rope one guy in once — my first husband. Met him in some seedy saloon and thought to myself, ‘this is probably the best you can do, girl.’ They say never marry anybody you meet in a bar and never settle. I did both, but guess what?”
“You proved them all wrong because the marriage took and the only reason you’re not married today is because he went to heaven’s watering hole?”
“Hot damn, you’re good. He did die but only after we had been divorced many years and guess what?”
“I’m tired of guessing,” I complained.
“The signs were right there from the very beginning that I should have dumped the dude. Ya know those stupid little stuffed animal cages with the claws and you try to retrieve an animal?”
“Can’t say that I do,” I confessed.
“You don’t get around much, do you? Well, we fought over a silly soft stuffed duck that he claims he nabbed with those claws, but really, I was the one who nailed it. And in the divorce settlement, guess what the SOB asked for back? That damn stuffed duck. He swore it was really his, but really, it was mine.”
“I can see why you never smile,” I teasingly commented. “Life’s been so cruel and unfair to you.”
“Damn right it has been, but what nobody knows is that if they had me for a friend, I’d be their buddy for life.’
“Wanna walk with me?” I asked.
“Hell no. Think I’d walk with just anybody who happens to be crusin’ by?
You know, I’m sort of glad he won custody of that damn duck.
Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column appears every Tuesday.
Columns
Related Photos
WHITE-WALKER: Stripped of her softest possession
- Columns
-
-
HAMILTON: Dandelions, parades, broken poles and people
There are still those remnants of the fading bouquets of floral tributes that still hang at that base of a tree on city hall’s lawn. It is near where, last year, from his shiny silvery cart, Melvin Johnson sold hot dogs and sausages to both city employees and passerbys while his tiny white dog excitingly yelped at anyone that came near.
- No Headline Provided
-
GLYNN: Gillibrand seeks help for prime bread-winners
A recent report shows that working mothers across the Empire State earn nearly 15 percent lower pay for the same work as men.
-
BRADBERRY: There really are spirits in the water
Over the centuries since it was “discovered” hundreds of millions of people have traveled from every corner of the world to visit Niagara Falls making it the most visited of the great waterfalls on the planet.
-
CONFER: The reality of rationed health care
The ongoing debate over Obamacare has brought to light the concept of rationed healthcare. Opponents of health care reform keenly point out that while the bill never explicitly calls out rationing, it features certain provisions that will lead the markets to adjust to strict federal demands and, therefore, dispense certain procedures in smaller amounts or not at all. Because of it being the first time that the subject has really come up in public circles, most people, especially on the right, believe that rationing is something new. It’s not. The free markets have been practicing that for quite some time. I should know; with a 4-inch long, 1-inch wide scar running south of my belly button – and a couple of related scars around my groin – I could be the poster child for rationed health care.
-
CITY DESK: A regrettable error
We owe Carol Sensabough an apology.
Several weeks ago, the long-time reader and Niagara Falls resident sent a letter to the editor explaining that she took offense to some of the things written by a syndicated columnist, Stephen Dick. -
HIGGS: Niagara Falls' own West Side story
Trusello’s Bakery was on Elmwood behind the family home at 840 19th St. The family, Richard, William (Billy) and Sam along with two sisters, lived in the house.
-
GLYNN: Falls, Ont., rolls out red carpet for Wallenda
Before Nik Wallenda even started practicing his high-wire routine in downtown Niagara Falls, state Sen.George D. Maziarz, R-Newfane, had noted the warm welcome the tightrope walker received across the river.
-
HAMILTON: Civic ‘ParticipAction’ can work too
Back in the 1970s, our Neighbors to the North ran a national campaign called ParticipAction to encourage Canadians to get off their butts and do things for the sakes of their bodies.
-
GLYNN: Graduates find they’re in staggering debt
Countless senior citizens often gripe about something, sometimes even with good reason. Perhaps they should consider themselves fortunate, compared with the younger generation.
- More Columns Headlines
-
NJ Man Charged With Murder in Death of Patz
Support, Fun for Kids of Fallen Soldiers at Camp
Fugitive Penguin Caught, Returned to Aquarium
50 Years Later, Underground Fire Still Burning
Light Show Transforms Sydney Opera House
Raw Video: Unruly Passenger Restrained in Miami
Raw Video: Robber Uses Drive-thru Window
Raw Video: Dragon Arrives at Space Station
Calif.'s Coronado Named Nation's Best Beach
CEO Salaries Become Sore Issue in Labor Disputes
Raw Video: Fight Erupts in Ukrainian Parliament
Texan Ranchers Remain Wary of Drought
Raw Video: Soldiers Plant Flags at Arlington
Police: Man Arrested in Etan Patz Disappearance
NYC Protests: the Revolution Will Be Scripted
Chicago U.S. Attorney Fitzgerald Resigns
Neighbors of Etan Patz's Suspect: It's Shocking
Gulf Fishermen Reel From Seafood Troubles
Stuntman Makes Skydive Without Parachute in UK
Raw Video: Bride Who Faked Cancer Released
