“They say the most demanding, difficult, impossible people are the very ones who need love the most,” sighed an old chum of mine who’s on her fourth divorce.
You’d think I was hobnobbing with the Hollywood jet set, having a friend with such a screwed-up love life. She’s really pretty remarkable in the other areas of her life though.
“Why do I find them all — the losers?” she lamented.
“Because you’re stupid,” I replied. “Maybe I should retract that. Haven’t you ever heard of the book, ‘Smart Women, Foolish Choices?’ It’s about women who keep attracting the same old, same old, and therein lays the problem. You’re dealing with the same issues only with different faces. You probably could marry a million times and it wouldn’t stick because (a) you rope in the weirdoes, (2) you don’t constructively deal with your own faults and insecurities and (c) you maybe were meant for the religious or single life.”
“Strike that c part,” she insisted. “And how do you know about that book, ‘Foolish Women, Dumb Choices?’”
“’That’s Smart Women, Foolish Choices’, get it right, will ya? Well, that book certainly wasn’t given to me by my grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters, cousins and girlfriends, if that’s what you’re thinking. Look, you’re the one on her fourth failure, not I. Sorry, guess nobody likes their mistakes flaunted in their tear-streaked faces.”
“Or their inadequacies,” she sighed. “About that religious life, God knows I’m not good enough to be married to Him, but He sure thinks some measly mortal will do. Why do we women feel we must have a man to feel complete?”
“Blame Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel — its all their fault. We’re programmed as little girls to believe that our lives aren’t worth a plug nickel until our ‘Prince Charming’ comes along to ‘rescue’ us. It’s mighty strange how we never know what happened to those three co-dependency dopes’ ‘happily ever after lives.”
“What life?” she asked. “Back when Grimms Fairy Tales was written people dropped dead at around 35. Who couldn’t put up with their mate’s quirks for that short period of time?”
I nodded. “It’s sure not like today with people living to be in their 80s, 90s, even in their 100s and are married 60, 70 years. How hard is that?” I gasped.
“I’ll never know, given my age. The best I can hope for is maybe 10, 15 years together and that’s if we meet and marry by tomorrow,” she had the nerve to laugh.
It amazed me that she would even consider going back a fifth time to set herself up for heartache. She’s either a masochist, insane or has real stamina. Poor darling, she desperately longs for someone or something to satisfy her needs, but who the heck doesn’t? Why do we place such darn importance on what others think and say to us and about us? Sure we want to be accepted, but shouldn’t we ourselves first accept our own selves? For some that’s a life-long process and just when we’re feeling pretty good about our self-worth — wham! We’re kicked in the gut, our hearts are crushed, and while we have more resiliency than we might realize, we’re reminded of how fragile we really are.
I know now why Cinderella’s slippers were made of glass and shattered. It’s symbolic of broken lives, and she, just like the rest of us, didn’t, and we aren’t, living ‘happily ever after.’ But I’m sure given it the old college try; how about you?
Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column appears every Tuesday.
Columns
WHITE-WALKER: Once upon a time is now
- Columns
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PFEIFFER: Something that really 'bugs' me
Who would ever think that roaches, as in cockroaches, not your left-over weed, and valentines are a good match?
As the greatest Hallmark holiday ever created looms large, my friends at the Wildlife Conservation Society and the Bronx Zoo have concocted a Valentines Day fundraising promotion that just makes you want to say, “Really?” -
HAMILTON: The SPCA and the pineapple upside-down pie
It is said that, as free Americans, we often get the things for which we ask; we also often get exactly what we deserve. Sometimes it works out to our good, and sometimes it doesn’t.
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GLYNN: Slim chance now for a real thick ice bridge
If you’re not convinced about the unpredictability of Western New York weather, consider that this area was experiencing temperatures in the mid-40s on the 100th anniversary of the ice bridge tragedy in the gorge.
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BRADBERRY: Is Black History Month Still Relevant?
I am uncomfortably recovering and slowly recuperating from a relatively minor, but medically necessary procedure which has kept me out of circulation, out of touch and essentially on my back for a lot longer than I have personally believed was justifiable; however, in this case my opinion matters not; the doctor’s diagnosis and promising prognosis trumped mine, so here I lay almost completely befuddled, nearly unable to pen a clear sentence.
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CONFER: Time to end the NFL’s blackout rule
Long ago, in a much simpler time, ticket sales accounted for the majority of revenues for professional football teams.
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CITY BEAT: Stuck on traffic
Sometimes I feel like the traffic signal reporter in Niagara Falls.
Traffic signals have been making a lot of news around here lately. There’s the whole flap about what to do to improve public safety near the Como Restaurant in the 2200 block of Pine Avenue. -
HIGGS: Discussing crime and punishment in the Falls
Have to take a detour off Pine Avenue in 1956 this week to report on an event held by the Niagara Falls Block Club Council for its member clubs and other interested citizens.
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GLYNN: Hotel Niagara plan exciting for the Falls
It all sounds like a re-run of a TV program you’ve seen a dozen times. This time, however, there is every reason to believe that the landmark Hotel Niagara on Rainbow Boulevard will be restored to the splendid atmosphere that guests enjoyed for decades.
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HAMILTON: BOE and kids, or the SPCA dogs?
There is example after example of otherwise qualified Niagara Falls’ board of education members and staffers lending their time and efforts to organizations outside of the school district’s core business.
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GLYNN: Trust in SPCA shelter must be restored
Stories about the operations at the Niagara SPCA shelter shape the image of sickening and disgusting treatment of animals.
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