“They say the most demanding, difficult, impossible people are the very ones who need love the most,” sighed an old chum of mine who’s on her fourth divorce.
You’d think I was hobnobbing with the Hollywood jet set, having a friend with such a screwed-up love life. She’s really pretty remarkable in the other areas of her life though.
“Why do I find them all — the losers?” she lamented.
“Because you’re stupid,” I replied. “Maybe I should retract that. Haven’t you ever heard of the book, ‘Smart Women, Foolish Choices?’ It’s about women who keep attracting the same old, same old, and therein lays the problem. You’re dealing with the same issues only with different faces. You probably could marry a million times and it wouldn’t stick because (a) you rope in the weirdoes, (2) you don’t constructively deal with your own faults and insecurities and (c) you maybe were meant for the religious or single life.”
“Strike that c part,” she insisted. “And how do you know about that book, ‘Foolish Women, Dumb Choices?’”
“’That’s Smart Women, Foolish Choices’, get it right, will ya? Well, that book certainly wasn’t given to me by my grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters, cousins and girlfriends, if that’s what you’re thinking. Look, you’re the one on her fourth failure, not I. Sorry, guess nobody likes their mistakes flaunted in their tear-streaked faces.”
“Or their inadequacies,” she sighed. “About that religious life, God knows I’m not good enough to be married to Him, but He sure thinks some measly mortal will do. Why do we women feel we must have a man to feel complete?”
“Blame Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel — its all their fault. We’re programmed as little girls to believe that our lives aren’t worth a plug nickel until our ‘Prince Charming’ comes along to ‘rescue’ us. It’s mighty strange how we never know what happened to those three co-dependency dopes’ ‘happily ever after lives.”
“What life?” she asked. “Back when Grimms Fairy Tales was written people dropped dead at around 35. Who couldn’t put up with their mate’s quirks for that short period of time?”
I nodded. “It’s sure not like today with people living to be in their 80s, 90s, even in their 100s and are married 60, 70 years. How hard is that?” I gasped.
“I’ll never know, given my age. The best I can hope for is maybe 10, 15 years together and that’s if we meet and marry by tomorrow,” she had the nerve to laugh.
It amazed me that she would even consider going back a fifth time to set herself up for heartache. She’s either a masochist, insane or has real stamina. Poor darling, she desperately longs for someone or something to satisfy her needs, but who the heck doesn’t? Why do we place such darn importance on what others think and say to us and about us? Sure we want to be accepted, but shouldn’t we ourselves first accept our own selves? For some that’s a life-long process and just when we’re feeling pretty good about our self-worth — wham! We’re kicked in the gut, our hearts are crushed, and while we have more resiliency than we might realize, we’re reminded of how fragile we really are.
I know now why Cinderella’s slippers were made of glass and shattered. It’s symbolic of broken lives, and she, just like the rest of us, didn’t, and we aren’t, living ‘happily ever after.’ But I’m sure given it the old college try; how about you?
Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column appears every Tuesday.
Columns
WHITE-WALKER: Once upon a time is now
- Columns
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HAMILTON: Dandelions, parades, broken poles and people
There are still those remnants of the fading bouquets of floral tributes that still hang at that base of a tree on city hall’s lawn. It is near where, last year, from his shiny silvery cart, Melvin Johnson sold hot dogs and sausages to both city employees and passerbys while his tiny white dog excitingly yelped at anyone that came near.
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GLYNN: Gillibrand seeks help for prime bread-winners
A recent report shows that working mothers across the Empire State earn nearly 15 percent lower pay for the same work as men.
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BRADBERRY: There really are spirits in the water
Over the centuries since it was “discovered” hundreds of millions of people have traveled from every corner of the world to visit Niagara Falls making it the most visited of the great waterfalls on the planet.
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CONFER: The reality of rationed health care
The ongoing debate over Obamacare has brought to light the concept of rationed healthcare. Opponents of health care reform keenly point out that while the bill never explicitly calls out rationing, it features certain provisions that will lead the markets to adjust to strict federal demands and, therefore, dispense certain procedures in smaller amounts or not at all. Because of it being the first time that the subject has really come up in public circles, most people, especially on the right, believe that rationing is something new. It’s not. The free markets have been practicing that for quite some time. I should know; with a 4-inch long, 1-inch wide scar running south of my belly button – and a couple of related scars around my groin – I could be the poster child for rationed health care.
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CITY DESK: A regrettable error
We owe Carol Sensabough an apology.
Several weeks ago, the long-time reader and Niagara Falls resident sent a letter to the editor explaining that she took offense to some of the things written by a syndicated columnist, Stephen Dick. -
HIGGS: Niagara Falls' own West Side story
Trusello’s Bakery was on Elmwood behind the family home at 840 19th St. The family, Richard, William (Billy) and Sam along with two sisters, lived in the house.
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GLYNN: Falls, Ont., rolls out red carpet for Wallenda
Before Nik Wallenda even started practicing his high-wire routine in downtown Niagara Falls, state Sen.George D. Maziarz, R-Newfane, had noted the warm welcome the tightrope walker received across the river.
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HAMILTON: Civic ‘ParticipAction’ can work too
Back in the 1970s, our Neighbors to the North ran a national campaign called ParticipAction to encourage Canadians to get off their butts and do things for the sakes of their bodies.
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GLYNN: Graduates find they’re in staggering debt
Countless senior citizens often gripe about something, sometimes even with good reason. Perhaps they should consider themselves fortunate, compared with the younger generation.
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