Column by Bill Bradberry — Had she lived, we would have celebrated my mother’s 86th birthday with her a few days ago, but like so many of her contemporaries she passed away 26 years ago.

She was one of the many moms from my old neighborhood who died too soon, victims of cancer. Though we miss her terribly, we accept the notion that she’s in that proverbial “better place” and we celebrate her prodigy every year in a very special way. In the process we have created something of a family tradition which, as it has evolved, has taken on a much deeper, broader meaning especially for me, but consequentially for my siblings and our children as well whether they know it or not.

I have already outlived my mother, who when she left us at the entirely too young age of 60, had already lived an amazingly rich, colorful and full life, raising eight children of her own and dozens of foster children, while helping to care for an equal number of my cousins, neighbors, friend’s children, and through her charitable contributions as well as her work as a nurse, thousands of others, some of whom she never knew, never met, but touched and loved nonetheless.

Through their considerable efforts, sometimes subtle, sometimes blunt and in spite of the often overwhelming and powerful influences to the contrary, our moms, with a lot of reinforcing support from the neighborhood were able to infuse most of us with some fundamental core principles, many of which we have managed to cling to and pass on without even knowing it. My hard-headed stubbornness sometimes led my Mom to infuse some of those principles directly through my butt at the end of a well-worn leather belt, or if necessary by way of a gentle love tap to the back of my head, and on one rare occasion, a right hook to my jaw.

My mother, born in rural Auburn, and raised for a while in the same neighborhood where Harriet Tubman once lived was, like her mother, a country girl. Taught by her parents, she learned the relationships between hard work and prosperity, she knew and understood that in life, as on the farm, we reap what we sow; a simple and obvious lesson indeed, but one which, when overlooked, inevitably wreaks havoc.

By the time she and my father married and had children years later, she lived only a two city blocks from the noisy factories in a crowded neighborhood far from her rural roots, she still held the basic principles deeply imbedded within her soul. Eventually, when her children were born, yours truly included, like her mother’s tried and true best recipes for fine food, she thankfully passed them on and I, like my siblings, dutifully tried to pass them along to our children, and we hope, they to theirs.

But since the passing about a year ago of pop star, Michael Jackson, the recent losses of Etta James, Don Cornelius and now, Whitney Houston, to name a few of the most popular who seem to have departed this life forgetting, or perhaps never learning, I wonder; are those basic family value lessons that our parents, especially our mothers drummed into us being  drowned out, over-shadowed and replaced by the ever present competing influences and compelling messages from elsewhere?

While the public tragedies put the pain and sorrow right in front of us, the rich and famous are not the only ones to suffer the consequences of lessons apparently not learned; it happens all the time and it can happen to any one.

One way to minimize the risk might be to rekindle the flames of tradition that keep families together, providing constant reminders of our values and making sure that we and our loved ones have a clear understanding that our actions can cause terrible unintended consequences not just for us, but for our loved ones when we selfishly disregard the obvious.

There is no shortage of organizations in addition to our churches and schools which try, sometimes in vain to remind us of what is so easy to forget in today’s world of  competing influences; one such group goes by the name, “Simple Mom” whose catchy slogan, “Live Intentionally” offers “Family Traditions: 10 Ideas To Get You Started” from a May 2009 publication, called Relationships. The authors offer a whole list of traditions ranging from birthday parties to Easter egg hunts and Saturday breakfasts in bed to weekend barbecues and family reunions adding that, “Creating a feeling of unity, warmth and closeness with your family is priceless. And they remind us that, “There are no rules and there is no “right” way to do this. So, as they say in the article, “take initiative, get creative, make it happen and most importantly have fun!”

As busy as our parents were, they still made time for family outings; some families from that not so long ago era took long camping and fishing trips, traveled to Crystal Beach, went bowling together, or, like my mom would do sometimes she’d organize a simple picnic at Hyde Park or Beaver Island. The point was that we were together, and that created a sense of unity and responsibility among all of us to look out for and care for each other.

Another organization with an Internet site, parenting.com offers lots of great tips for parents who may not have the benefit of traditions being handed down from generation to generation; their bottom line, start your own!

For me and my family, among the most cherished are some of her and therefore our favorite recipes.

So, on her birthday, we celebrate her life by cooking and enjoying a meal or two made the way she made them; we remember her and our childhood with stories, each of them containing an embedded message, each message carrying a lesson which, if learned, might just help to guarantee we’ll all make it to the next year’s celebration, alive, sober and in reasonably good physical and mental health.

Contact Bill Bradberry at bill.bradberry@yahoo.com.